White House Legalizes Marijuana
In a surprise move the White House announced the reversal of a decades old policy, declaring marijuana a safe drug.
The sudden move was prompted by the recent announcement by the newly formed drug safety board that painkillers such as Vioxx, Celebrex and Bextra can cause heart attacks.
Many chronic pain sufferers are expected now to turn to cannibis, long known for its theraputic properties. Rather than risk career ending cardio damage professional athletes are likely to include a couple of joints in their pre game preparations. Coaches however worry that reliance on the weed will result in cognitive disorientation.
“A tall center is great but a high one is not,” noted an NBA official.
Meanwhile Major League Baseball saw an opportunity to return to its old drug enforcement policy. It is withdrawing sterroids as a banned substance and replacing it with legalized marijuana.
In a separate move, to recoup declining painkiller revenues, the leading drug companies will market marijuana both OTC and as seeds for grow-it-yourselfers. While Martha Stewart, the decorating doyenne, will celebrate her homecoming by launching an organic line of pot plants under the Stewarts Own brand.