The Unfriendly Skies
News Item:
Delta became the third airline to eliminate inflight pillows as a cost cutting measure.
Late Breaking News:
In a further cost cutting move several large domestic carriers announced more inflight service reductions.
While it will continue to serve food American Airlines will charge for the utensils. Plastic plates and bowls will cost $10 while knives and forks will be $3 each. Beverage charges will remain however a glass will now cost $4.50. Passengers carrying on their own beverages will be charged corkage.
The company defended itself against out cries of gauging claiming that utensils took up a lot of valuable storage space. A spokesman for the airline said:
“If folks want to eat they can bring their own plates or use their hands, just as they do at home.”
Meanwhile in an innovative move United announced a half price seat sale. The airline will introduce a Half a Seat for Half the Price program. Customers will have the choice of a seat with no back or a half size regular seat.
“We expect this program will appeal to people with strong abs or those on diets,” remarked an airline official.
In a separate move Continental announced its own half price promotion. It will fly passengers only half the way. But it will provide a free coupon for those wishing to see the end of the movie.
But bankruptcy bound North Western plans the most radical move. To avoid high cost gate fees the airline will park its planes several miles from passenger terminals. Travelers will have to take a North Western limo service costing $20 to the plane. Window seats will be $3 extra, pillows not included.